Wednesday, January 06, 2010

People I May Heinously Murder: Taco John's

Taco John’s, you know I love you, but you’ve wronged me and I’m pretty sure I’m pissed off here.

For nineteen long days—nearly three full weeks—I was in the Midwest. I was right there, resting in the sweet, sweet bosom that is Taco John’s territory.

In that time I went to Taco John’s a half-a-dozen times.

I devoured my fair share of Mexi Rolls, Potato Oles, Apple Grandes, Churros, Taco Burgers and Meat-n-Potato Burritos. I did my part as a loyal consumer.

I’ve ingested more nacho “cheese” than one man should be able to safely consume.

I’ve eaten enough of those crispy lil bites of heaven, lovingly known as Potato Oles, to kill a caribou. Like a large, healthy caribou!

I spent more money on burritos than I did on any of the Christmas presents I got for my family.

So how do the fine folks at Taco John’s repay me?!

They introduce the amazing looking Chili Fritos Burrito and they have the gall to introduce it just mere days after I’ve flown just about as far away from a Taco John’s as you can get in the lower 48 states!!

The nearest Taco John’s is exactly 611.44 miles away in freakin’ Athens, Ohio!!

Just days ago I was in the heart of Taco John’s country and the only thing y’all were pimping was the played out Nachos Navidad. They’re just regular nachos with colored chips!! Don’t you dare try to dupe me into believing they’re something special!!

I see right through your colored chips, Taco John’s!!

I can’t believe y’all had this amazing looking burrito just lurking, laying in wait for my departure.

I’ve already missed out on many of the other delicious “limited time only” burritos you cats have churned out in recent years and now, y’all have gone and done it again. Only this time the knife digs a little deeper, because I was JUST FREAKIN’ THERE...

Color me pissed off, Taco John’s!!

PS: I still love you.

PPS: I’m sorry I got so huffy.