Sunday, February 08, 2009

W.T.F.


Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus are singing…together.

Really?!

I’m watching the GRAMMYs and for some ungodly reason the producers thought it’d be a good idea to put Taylor Swift and her angelic voice in a duet with Miley Cyrus.

Yeah, I know…right?!

See, I’ll admit to having a Miley Cyrus song on my iPod. Yeah…I’m man enough to admit that I have--on occasion--rocked out (as much as one can) to “7 Things I Hate About You.” The thing is, Miley Cyrus only sounds good when she’s doing her own song and she’s doing it all by her lonesome. You see, when she’s on her own you don’t have any straight-up comparison so her squeaky, screaming thing sorta works.

You know what doesn’t work? A duet with Taylor Swift.

You see Taylor Swift--in addition to being like 10,000 times hotter than a bushel of habaneros--is an incredible singer. She has a beautiful voice that, when put in a duet, makes Miley Cyrus sound like the death squalls of a grocery bag full of kittens in a microwave.

Needless to say, not so pretty.

So, to whomever made the decision to pair these gals up--shame on you.

I mean honestly, if I were Miley Cyrus I’d probably go home and ask Billy Ray to forcibly remove my voice box and bury it in the same place he hid that early ‘90s mullet. Also if I were Taylor Swift, I’d probably be so disenfranchised with the concept of duets that I’d never sing on stage with anyone again, except for Steve Perry of course.

[Note: If I were Taylor Swift, I’d also wander to Boston and find myself a displaced country boy working in a collegiate library and make an inordinate number of sexually-charged comments toward him in front of his co-workers in an effort to lionize him forever.]

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