Sunday, February 01, 2009

People I May Heinously Murder (vol. 2)

Arnel Pineda, your life is in imminent danger.

I don’t know who gave you permission to slip into a pair of leather pants and step on stage with Journey, but it sure-as-hell wasn’t the collective sect known as the “Journeymen.”

The Journeymen are those of us who can be found rocking out to our Journey box-sets at any minute of any hour of any day. We are a group that will always drunkenly play every Journey song on a bar’s jukebox, sometimes more than once. We are the folks that can always be heard demanding that a DJ play “Don’t Stop Believin’” or “Open Arms” or “Lights” or “Separate Ways” at every wedding reception, prom, karaoke night, street dance and/or bar mitzvah we’ve ever attended.

We, Arnel Pineda, are not happy with you. We love Steve Perry’s voice. We love Steve Perry’s stage presence. We simply love Steve Perry.

And you, Arnel Pineda, are not Steve Perry. As a result, we do not like you. Don’t take it personally Arnel…we didn’t like Steve Augeri either and we sure as hell had no patience for Jeff Scott Soto.

I realize it’s probably not fair to judge every Steve Perry-wannabe who takes over the reigns of Journey, especially since Neal Schon, Jonathan Cain and Ross Valory are the only dudes remaining from the Journey we all know and love, but come on…Journey without Steve Perry just ain’t Journey.

Where is this rant coming from you may ask?!

Well the fine folks at NBC lined up faux-Journey to bastardize perform “Don’t Stop Believin’” during the Super Bowl pregame show. Upon listening to Pineda butcher the most downloaded song in the history of iTunes…I flipped.

Unfortunately, Grace had to listen to me rant and rave for nearly half-an-hour about what a horrendous pooper “not-Steve Perry” had just left steaming on the stage.

So now I have two reasons to end your life, Pineda. Not only are you not fit to comb Perry’s luscious locks--let alone “sing” his songs--but you’ve forced Grace to listen to another of my ludicrous rants.

Watch your back Pineda…