Monday, January 12, 2009

My Kryptonite

A few weeks back, I ran smack-dab into my Kryptonite. Unlike Superman, my Kryptonite wasn’t delivered via the hands of a bald villain. No, no…the bearer of my Kryptonite was far more sinister.

It turns out I’m a sucker for free samples and cute gals. So understandably when the two are combined I’m pretty much wasting my time attempting to fight off any of their wayward efforts to sell me something. Well this exact scenario reared it’s cute lil head while I was home for Christmas Break.

My brother, G-Doggy and I were wandering through the mall in picturesque Mankato (pronounced: Man-Kay-Toe for all you coasters) looking to finish up our Christmas shopping. We were on our way out of the mall when some foxy little chicky-babe came walking up to us with a platter and simply said the magic words, free sample?!

I of course pounced and followed her to her little booth, confused as to why she hadn’t given us any of the samples from the platter. She set the platter down and I realized it just contained little pieces of cardboard with lotions on them. This was not something edible, I’d been duped!

I frantically looked around her booth and realized that we’d just been suckered in by those people who try to sell hand lotions and manicure kits from the Dead Sea.

G-Doggy was not happy.

I was equally unpleased, but I figured we’d give her a few seconds and then blow her off and make a b-line for the exit and some Taco John’s. What I didn’t realize was that she was from Israel and possessed a fairly thick accent which made it almost completely impossible to understand a word she was saying. And, as such, made it very hard to choose the right time to make our exit.

Plus, before I could even begin to decipher what she was saying, she’d already grabbed my left hand and was buffing the crap out of my middle finger with some weird block thing. She was quite nice in the way she repeatedly insulted the health and overall appearance of both G-Doggy’s and my fingernails. G-Doggy does construction and his fingers are pretty mangled. I work in a library and mine are…um…well, I type hard so clearly they’re a little banged up.

Anyway, Cutie McAccent kept on rambling inaudibly and buffing my finger when suddenly G-Doggy bailed to go answer his phone. This left me there trying to make small-talk. I learned that she grew up in a small town, much like myself. I learned that she was only working at this booth to pay for medical school. I think she told me that she enjoyed “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman,” but I can’t really fathom how that would have been relevant.

So I shoot a look at G-Doggy who is hanging up his phone and I can’t help but think that we’ve got our out! All he has to do is come back and say there is some kind of emergency or we need to go meet someone or something.

…but no.

Instead G-Doggy comes back and stands there waiting for her to finish her spiel. The next twenty minutes or so are largely a blur, but I know that G-Doggy also got his nail buffed and shined up, we gave our input on various scented lotions and listened to her final hard push to get us to purchase a couple of these nail kits.

Once she finally stopped talking--while waiting for us to pull out some credit cards--we knew it was our only chance and we politely declined and made a break for it.

My left middle fingernail is still super shiny, which makes me a little nervous. The shiny nail, however, also serves as a constant reminder that I need to be more powerful when encountered by the foxy lady/free sample combo!!

Consider this a warning to all of you, my Faithful Readers, cute gals carrying platters that may or may not contain food can strike at any time.