Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Don't Call it a Comeback...

Okay, I get that she’s mid-comeback and all…but I’ve gotta say something about my ex…

Britney, what the F?!

I just saw the video for "Womanizer." This was also the first time I’d heard the song and I gotta be honest here Brit-Brit…but are you kidding me? THIS is your comeback?!

The song was just you uttering the phrase “…you’re a womanizer, womanizer, womanizer, womanizer” over and over and over again. Lather, rinse, repeat. The video was just a bunch of vignettes of you giving some dude a lap dance in different latex outfits interspersed with shots of you all naked for no good reason.

Now I could get into the logic that it makes no sense for a woman to “get back” at a womanizer by giving him a lap dance, because let’s be honest--as evidenced by yesterday’s blog--there are thousands of dudes who would pay good money for a lap dance, let alone one from post-traumatic breakdown Britney Spears.

But I’m not going to attack the logic of the video. I could get into the horrendous lyrics and how the song sounded just like every other song she’s released since her second album dropped back at the turn of the century. But I’m not going to attack her singing.

No, no what I am going to attack is that this is being deemed her comeback.

We’ve all been channel surfing and stopped on “Access Hollywood” or “Extra” or whatever those shows are that flash Jennifer Aniston just enough to stop any dude flipping through the channels in search of a “Family Guy” rerun.

We’ve all been in that situation where you get sucked in and suddenly you’ve listened to nearly half an hour of some K-list celebrity like Mario Lopez or Mark McGrath rambling on about the “rough” lives of celebrities. Well they got me to buy into the whole comeback thing for Britney.

Call me crazy, but a comeback means that you’re really back in a big way. It means you’ve changed as a performer and you’re coming back with something new and fresh to offer. It means that you’re taking your career to a different phase.

Apparently for Britney Spears the word comeback simply means that she dropped her baby weight, let her hair grow out and hit the gym to tone up. So now she looks all hot again, instead of like some kind of mangled roadside mess like she did in the waning months of her marriage, divorce, breakdown, recovery, breakdown, etc….

Britney, we broke up for a good reason and I told you that we could talk about getting back together when you got yourself straightened out and focused on your career…all you’ve done is get skinny and continue turning out the same machine-altered crap that’s going to turn into every sorority chick’s ringtone and will undoubtedly be the cause of many a mid-dance floor dry-hump session at every club in every city for the next six months.

Don’t call it a comeback…you’ve been turning out this crap for years!