Thursday, December 04, 2008

Public Service Announcement: “Kath and Kim”

Tonight I made a huge mistake and without a doubt this requires some sort of commentary.

Prior to this fateful evening I’d never actually watched NBC’s relatively-new sitcom “Kath and Kim.” In fact, I remember purposely avoiding it due to my long-standing disdain for Molly Shannon. To be honest, disdain might be a bit mild. I’ve had an overwhelming urge to rig a presidential election, thus earning her the presidency…only so that someone would assassinate her in some sort of grand fashion on national television.

It’s not like my scorn is unwarranted. I mean, I’m not petty or anything. The fact that she was never funny on Saturday Night Live, I can forgive. The fact that (as a confused high schooler) I actually sat through her horrendous movie, “Superstar,” is disappointing. The fact that I’ve never seen more than a dozen different episodes of “Scrubs,” but I’ve somehow managed to stumble across the awful episode she’s in four times in the last month is kind of annoying.

All of that crap was a pain in my ghetto-booty, yet not enough to bump her all the way to hatred. Then they announced “Kath and Kim” would be taking up the weekly timeslot that so rightfully belongs to Pam and Jim. It was then that I moved Molly Shannon into my top five most-hated list.

“Kath and Kim” didn’t just stumble into a timeslot it didn’t deserve. No, no...the show—as I’ve discovered on this horrific evening—also manages to suck some major donkey-balls.

This show isn’t funny. This show isn’t amusing. This show isn’t even worth having on as background noise. I know what you’re thinking, Faithful Reader, “then why the hell are you watching it?”

Well to be perfectly honest, Selma Blair. Nothing more and nothing less. The opening scene had Selma Blair playing Lisa Kudrow playing Michele in “Romy and Michele's High School Reunion.” Selma Blair has intrigued me since I first saw “Cruel Intentions” so I figured what the heck, I’ll watch this. That lasted all of the next thirty-seconds or so, at which point Molly Shannon rolled onto the screen and I realized what I’d stumbled myself into. That’s when I lunged for the remote. However, before I could change the channel I was struck with an epiphany.

At 8:26am Friday morning, I’m going to turn 25 and when I make that fateful leap beyond the quarter-century point, I want some sort of sign that I’ve grown and matured in my time. I want some sort of sign that I have the ability to put my past in the past.

I thought that by making it through the poor acting, the pitiful writing and the unsightly clothes I’d be able to somehow put my contempt for Molly Shannon in the past. Unfortunately, it seems that I have not grown or matured. There will be no putting my loathing in the past.

I don’t know if anyone out here in BlogLand has ever seen the show, but for the love of Jebus…don’t. Whatever you do, don’t watch it. You’ll hate yourself in the morning…

…or if you’re anything like me, you’ll hate yourself (almost as much as Molly Shannon, but not quite) by the first commercial break.