Friday, December 30, 2005

Johnny Damon Joins Devil

Just because I thought it was worth posting.


So Johnny Damon joined the Dark Side and became a Yankee, big knew that type of stuff was going to happen. The Yankees are the devil and Damon is a pretty big douche-mongaloid. So what can you do, right?! But here's the thing...this guy right here...

Yeah...that guy up definitely not the guy you're going to be seeing in Pinstripes. No, that guy is long gone and dead. The 2004-2005 version of Johnny Damon is long gone and he is to replaced with this this douche bag right here...

How about a look at what the Yankees are getting for their $52 million...

* A centerfielder against whom even 36-year-old backup catchers will go from first to third at will. Have you ever thrown a baseball or football with your opposite hand? This is precisely what it looks like Damon is doing when he uncorks one of his weak, high-arcing parabolas that leave the cutoff man contemplating a fair catch as everybody moves up an extra base. Yes, Damon will match his predecessor Bernie Williams lollipop for lollipop, so Yankees fans will not have to adjust their expectations when it comes to the arm of their centerfielder.

* A leadoff man who has posted a .342 on-base percentage away from Fenway Park the past four seasons in Damon's athletic prime. He'll still get to play nine or 10 games a season at Fenway as a visitor with the Evil Empire, but Yankees fans can expect his OBP to be closer to that .342 mark than the .383 he enjoyed at the friendly confines. A sampling of hitters who exceeded a .342 OBP last year includes free-swinging Juan Encarnacion, possible Damon replacement Coco Crisp and legendary hacker Shea Hillenbrand, who had a .343 OBP despite walking only 26 times.

* While Damon has shown flashes of power — 20 home runs in 2004 — he dipped to 10 home runs last year. He finished the season with an .805 OPS, which put the one-time Royals outfielder just above current Royals outfielders David DeJesus and Emil Brown (both at .804) as the trio finished 64th, 65th and 66th in the majors in OPS. So I'm assuming Boras believes that DeJesus and Brown are each worth $12.99 million a year.

* To be fair, part of Damon's power dip was attributed to the nagging shoulder injury he battled for much of 2005. Yankees fans should be sympathetic to this since they watched their beloved Bernie struggle over the years with various power-sapping shoulder maladies. I don't know if Boras let the Yankees kick the tires on Damon, but there sure are a lot of miles on those treads. A big part of why Johnny D. was so worshipped in Boston is also why any prospective buyer should have been wary of just what kind of violent collisions their high-priced acquisition had endured.

* You see, Damon never met an obstacle into which he wouldn't happily crash. Boston fans loved him for this, but it took a toll. It may not be as easy as CarFax, but had Brian Cashman looked beyond Boras' propaganda and had a staffer put together a Damon crash reel, he would have seen: Damon being carried off on a stretcher in the 2003 playoffs after going noggin-to-noggin at full speed with Damian Jackson; Damon slicing his arm open on the Toronto scoreboard in April 2005, forcing the Blue Jays to redesign that neon monstrosity in left-center; and countless showdowns between Damon and the Green Monster's metallic scoreboard.

* Damon has put himself through a one-man demolition derby during his four years in Boston. Caveat emptor. But of course the Yankees don't have to be wary. Because even if the Damon signing turns out to be a huge mistake, they'll just swallow the money and overpay for someone else. Luxury tax be damned. As long as the Boss is around and the Empire has its ludicrous TV revenue, the Yankees will buy their way into the playoffs every year, even if it means doubling the payroll of their pursuers.

* Even though his power dipped in '05, Damon enjoyed the highest stolen-base percentage of his career, a gaudy .947 success rate. The downside is that his 18 stolen bases were his lowest total in eight years. In Boras' exotic calculus, the guy who tied for 30th in stolen bases in the majors and ranked 43rd in on-base percentage is a Hall-of-Fame-bound second-coming of Rickey Henderson. In truth, Damon is not the equal of the greatest leadoff hitter of all time. In fact, Damon is not the best leadoff hitter on his new team. Derek Jeter had a .389 OBP last year, good for 16th in the majors. For their careers, Jeter's OBP (.386) is superior to Damon's (.353). closing. Good move for about 2 years...afterwards the Yankees are going to have another Bernie Williams situation on their hands. An overpaid, gimpy old man wandering around centerfield who is a mere shell of what he once was. Good thing they didn't go out and snag someone like Juan Pierre or Torii Hunter who have a good decade ahead of them, smooth move Yanks...smooth move.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Goodnight Billy...

Just a thought I had the other night following an entire day of little wipper-snappers crying and screaming and yelling at Grandmama's place. So I thought to myself, what's a good way to deal with annoying little children and's what I came up with...


Here's a good way to provide a little entertainment for young children when you tuck them in at night, and the same time, stimulate their imaginations.


"I just came up to say goodnight and tuck you in, Billy. You had a big day, so make sure you get a good night's sleep. And don't forget to watch out for the Boogie Man. Remember what Mommy and I told you about the Boogie Man? How he kills little boys? What do you think, Billy? Is the Boogie Man here in your room, hiding somewhere? Is he in the closet? Is he going to jump out and kill you when I leave the room? He might; you never know."

*Proceed tucking the child in*

"Maybe he's under the bed. He likes to hide there, too. He might claw his way through the matress and kill you. Don't let him kill you, Billy. You know what he does? He sticks a sharp metal tube up your nose and sucks the fluid right out of your brain. It really hurts a lot. I'm going to turn out the lights now and leave you alone in the dark...all by yourself. And I don't want to hear a peep out of you. If I hear any noise come from this room, I'm going to come back up here and beat you. Try to get a good night's sleep."

*Flip off light and begin closing door.*

"Oh by the way, Mommy saw a monster walking up and down the hall last night. The monster had a piece of paper in his hand with your name on it. Night-night."

*close door*


Friday, December 16, 2005

Finals Week...

Well folks, I'm not gonna lie Finals Week has pretty much been a breeze. Monday I had an essay test at 10am and I feel I did pretty well on that bad-boy. Then I turned in a 35 page paper for my Creative Writing class. The story is still VERY far from being finished. Currently I'm hoping to someday with time, patience and a good editor turn that bad-boy into a small novel. *crosses fingers*

Also Monday, I realized why I'm getting so me, I am...well not really, but I feel sorta chunky. I eat too much greasy fast food. So I'm sitting in the cafeteria munching down like my 40th Chick-fil-A sandwhich of the semester when I think...damn, these aren't healthy at all. Now realize these guys are like 8,500 calories naturally. Then I squeeze two packets of mayo and two packets of this honey-roasted BBQ sauce onto them and eat the chicken. I follow that up with a thing of greasy, salty waffle fries that I dip in Ranch, mayo and the afformentioned BBQ sauce. Now I realize that I eat like 75,000 calories a day and in reality I've gained only one pound in the last 4 years...yes, one f'n pound. But it still made my kind of sick to think about it...just thought I'd pass that along.

Anywho, Monday night Mike, Alicia and I went to the gym to workout. It was nice to go there since I can't stand going to the gym on campus. Maybe it's just me, but anymore at the end of the day the last thing I want to do is stay on campus even longer after I've already been there for like 10 hours, know what I mean? So it was a nice change. I lifted some weights...always happy when my arms don't snap like the tiny twigs that they are. Then I ran for 10 minutes. I know, big f'n deal, right?! Well since I still haven't done anything that is overly cardiovascular since the whole lung collapse, it felt great! I know I played slow pitch softball all summer...and I'll admit, I may have bounced back too early from lung surgery...I was practicing and playing within a month...eeekk!! But yeah, it felt good to do some exercising on the old wind bag again. I wasn't too winded or dead and I was running at a pretty solid pace, uphill on the that made me happy. Good times.

To follow up that workout session...we decided to do some drinking, b/c what better way to counteract everything you've just done?! We picked up some of the neccessities at the CUB Foods liquor department and headed home where Mike mixed us some MONDO-HUGE Liquid Cocaines. For anyone who has never had a liquid cocaine...your life is a waste. They are great! Why are they called liquid cocaines you ask...or at least I'm pretending you did...well I'll tell you why. Because they are expensive (like $5 in a bar) and once you have a're hooked!! Needless to say everyone got bombed. Even Alicia, who've I've never seen drunky-poo before. We also played Phase-10 at the same time and I won for the first time ever, turns out all I have to do is get the competition drunk as hell and they're all mine.

Tuesday was just a work day. Then some B-Dubbs for wings and beers and then back home for some more mixed drinks and another round of Phase-10. No one was drunk and I lost. Dammit.

Wednesday was my fun day! w00t! It had basically snowed all night long and continued doing so through most of the morning so there was tons of snow. The best part, it was the heavy, wet kind that's all packed. Well okay, at first it sucked, because I went out and had to scoop out the driveway so Grace could get out and go to campus. Then I did the sidewalk...the other end of the driveway so I could get out...the walkway to and from the garage and Grace's and my cars...and then the kicker...I cleared out the entire space behind the garage...yeah! It was nuts. We are talking about tons of f'n scooping snow, but what the hell it was like right at 32 degrees and I didn't have anything else to do. Good times. Later Alicia took me to Perkins to thank me for the scooping. Which was great, b/c she bought me lunch/breakfast...good times. She gave me tons of info on Portland and Oregon as a whole (it's Grace's #1 choice for Grad School Destinations).

Later I took my application up to KEYC-TV and talked to them about my internship and they were totally cool with me working during the summer and the job is pretty much all sealed up. SWEET-ASS-SWEET!! I'm so pumped to work for a TV station, let alone one as prominent at KEYC. Seriously, they are the 27th highest rated CBS affiliate in the US...holy schnikeys man!! Their noon news is the 13th highest rated in the entire country and they dominate the entire region as the #1 rated station in news, sports and weather! I'm so f'n pumped.

So when I got home, I was a little bored so I went outside and started messing around in the snow. I slid down the driveway behind my car about 30-40 times on my sled and then quickly tired of I decided to make some snow men. Oh hell yeah! The next hour or so was spent rolling snow up, and it comes up just like sod just kept rolling and took the snow right off the was nuts. And the end result is as follows:

On the left we have Snow Graves and on the right, Snow Mlady. Yeah...I'm seriously that lame. But it was a good time. I came back inside, had some hot cider and read more of my David Wells autobiography...a very good read actually, whoda thunk it?!

Thursday (today) was spent at work and then hanging out with Mlady. We did some Christmas shopping and just bummed around town for awhile, which was a lot of fun. Then I did my usual night-before cram job for my 10am Mass Comm History final tomorrow. You know, for a 400-level class, it's not too shabby, a little on the boring side sometimes, but not too hard. I like that. Well I suppose it's now 1:30 in the A.M. and I need to get a little sleepy-poo before this I'm going to go ahead and sign off now...

Hope you enjoyed the latest installment.


PS: One more thing...can we keep some peace on the replies. I know some people have pissed other people off and I'm not going to name any names...but if EVERYONE involved good, bad or ugly could just get along or just avoid...that'd be super-duper!

PPS: For anyone from back home who might be reading this...I'm super-f'n-pumped for X-Mas Break. It'll be nice to kick back and cool my jets for awhile. I'll probably work with my Pappy a little bit, but other than that...I'm looking forward to some hardcore lazy-dayz of winter and of course...FLAG FOOTBALL 2k5!!

PPPS: Lewis Black is coming to Minnesota! He's going to be at Mystic Lake on Thursday March 23rd at 7:30pm. I'm going to try to snag some sweet-ass tickets, should be one helluva good time. I've seen George Carlin live (thanks to a twist of fate and his booze problem), I'm most likely going to see Lewis Black...all that leaves is Chris Rock and my trifecta is complete.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Taming the Masses...

Recently there was been tons of fanmail for me to get this blog updated. Granted when I say "tons of fanmail"...I really just mean that Steven hit me up with a request--once. Either way, I'm back for another installment.

Odd time right now as we are wrapping up the fall semester and I've actually begun to realize that I'm quickly running out of time left to be a normal college kid and avoid all of the "real world" stuff that is going to kick me in the nuts when President Davenport hands me that piece of parchment.

I've loved college. But honestly, who doesn't? I've had good times. I've had bad times. I've skipped class (not since Freshman year). I've been a 4.0 student. I've been drunk and sober. I've been raped and pilleged for rent. I've made great friends and I've lost great friends. I've fallen in love. I've blown a lot of money on stupid things that serve no purpose beyond dorm life. I've put on some weight...well maybe not, but I'm sure I could. I've done the long-hair and beard thing that seems a requirement for all dudes in college. I've been to concerts and sporting events. I've shown school spirit and I've ripped on the administration. I've been overinformed and underinformed. I've been overwhelmed and apathetic.

Needless to say...I've had chance upon chance to do something big and make the most of this time. College is labeled "the best four (or five or six or seven) years of your life," but personally I've never agreed with that. I always thought that set up the next 60 years or so for failure. I've had a great time, but I don't want to assume this is where the fun stops.

Am I scared for what is ahead...HELL YES!! Anyone who says they aren't is completely full of shit. I know that if I wanted to I could stay here in Mankato, get a full-time position in the library and live with Mike and Alicia for a few years to help supplement their house payments...but I can't help but think that I want something more.

In elementary school I wanted to play professional baseball and be famous. In middle school I wanted to be a wrestler or play professional baseball and be famous. In high school I wanted to be an actor or a wrestler or play professional baseball and be famous. When I got to college I wanted to "just be." Then I decided I wanted to be a writer. My feelings toward that have changed many times, with occasional feelings of "what the hell am I thinking" to "this is the greatest thing ever." But in the all still comes down to me and what I decide to do.

I realize I could have done a lot more with my time in college. I could have joined more groups. I could have made more friends. I could have gotten an internship sooner. I could have studied abroad or tried my hand at writing much earlier on and I could have been a published author a long time ago. But either's all in the past now. I'm left with one semester to go and I know it's about time for me to get all mushy and start panicking about what's next, but I just don't want to yet.

This May I know my best friends and I are all headed in different directions and time is getting very limited for all of us to "do our thing" together. We don't get to hang out nearly enough the way things are anymore and we are all at most a days drive from one another. Come this time next year, I could be in Oregon or Boston or California or hell...maybe even, Istanbul...either way no one knows what's in store.

I realize this post has no real focus or point...but sometimes neither do our lives. Which is sorta what I'm feeling right now. I've turned 22...the days of saying, "Hey...I'm just a kid man, back off!" are gone now. I'm going to be a self-succient (hopefully) college graduate in five months' time. And the biggest part of it all is I feel like I'm missing something. Maybe it's just something that movies and TV shows have laid out there...but in my head there should be some defining moment where everything sorta comes together and I realize what it's all been for and what the purpose of everything really is. Granted I won't have the rest of the cast of the OC sitting around me or some pop ballad in the background...but when it happens, I'm finally going to get some sense of "fullfillment" from this whole college-thing.

Wow...that was ubber-lame wasn't it?! Sorry I'm feeling kinda funny now, lots of people I've known for the past four years are done after next week and it's just starting to hit home. My apologies. Anyway, I'll try to get up a coherent post in the very near-future.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Week 13 Fantasy Football Run-Down

Once again I must apologize to the faithful blog readers who must deal with my fantasy football postings. For some reason the Yahoo! board is down once again and I can't seem to get my full message to post without an error message. I tried breaking it into two messages and still the error messages. Thus, I am forced to send my fantasy football crap to the blog...enjoy.


Well here we are, the final week of the regular season. Three teams have clinched playoff spots and the rest of the field is wide open for the Kunkel boys.

Jay and the Morfitt brothers are out of contention which could lead many to wonder what role they will play this week. Will they try to be playoff spoilers for the Kunkels or will they lay down and allow one of the Kunkels an easy march into the postseason?

Right now Johnny appears to have the roughest road into the playoffs. Of the four Kunkels he is fourth in total points, ultimately the deciding factor among teams tied. All of the Kunkels could come out of this week tied at 7-6, but Johnny would need some major points to catch the other three. He also faces the toughest match-up in the form of Mr. Burns.

Justin potentially has the easiest time of it this week going one-on-one with Grant in what could be a point scoring frenzy for his revitalized offense. If he can vanquish Grant and run up the score he may secure a spot in the postseason.

Steven and Mike go head-to-head in what could be considered a revenge round for Steven after Mike shut him out of the playoffs in Fantasy Baseball by one point just a few months ago. Could Steven be looking to inflict the same type of hurt?
Let's get right into things...

Team Kunkel (6-6) vs. taradactyl's friend (7-5)
-Steven has yet to beat a Kunkel yet this year. A fact which may keep him out of the playoffs. Both men are coming in after big wins, but Mike's was perhaps the biggest as he absolutely dominated G-Doggy's second place InSaNe AuDiO. I expect a good game between these two teams with the running backs being the key to victory. It's a simple logic for both teams and you're in. If Steven wins he is in by virtue of his record and if Mike wins (assuming he puts up at least 50 points) he will be guaranteed a spot based on record and overall points. Should be a close one. Yahoo! has the spread at four points in favor of Steven, I like those numbers but in favor of Mike based on the defenses both teams are going up against.

MY PICK: Mike by 4pts.

Favreinos II (11-1) vs. InSaNe AuDiO (8-4)
-I blew G-Doggy out by 31 points in my last win, a feat I don't plan on repeating, but I do think this has potential to be a high-scoring affair. G-Doggy has been playing in a lot of very tight games lately and I think this week will be more of the same. I think in the end this week is going to come down to the performances of our RB and QB. He (as of Tues) has Brees and I (as of Tues) have Warner slated to start. If Brees can bounce back from a rough outing last week, it may be G-Doggy's time to shine. However, I get LT going up against Oakland and most likely Thomas Jones against Green Bay. G-Doggy's Tiki Barber must deal with the punishing Dallas defense but McGhee has the chance to shred in Miami. Should be a close one. I'm going to go with G-Doggy giving me my second loss of the season in the final game. Yahoo! picks him by 2 pts, but I expect his team to rip up the scoreboard big and punish me to close out the year.

MY PICK: G-Doggy by 11 pts.

Yourmom's a screamer (8-4) vs. Le Mars Lipsinks (6-6)
-Should be a good game. Johnny's got one of the best players in the league this year in Carson Palmer, the best Tight End in football in Antonio Gates and two running backs looking to have big weeks in Lamont Jordan and Rueben Droughns. Burns fires right back with the quarterback of the best team in the NFC, Matt Hasselbeck, a resurgent Joey Galloway, Edge and one of the best big-game tight ends in the NFC, Alge Crumpler. In their previous meeting Johnny lost 75-46, but his team has been very solid in the second half of the season making quite the playoff push. Burns is in the playoffs no matter what and Johnny needs a win and a big week in points to make it in. Needless to say this game means for more to Johnny than it does to Burns, but don't expect either team to lay down in this one. Yahoo! picks Burns by 7, but I forsee Johnny pulling it out this week either with a big pre-game roster shuffle or some big-game performances.

MY PICK: Johnny by 3 pts.

Captain Jack Sparrow (2-10) vs. j's team (4-8)
-Neither team is in the playoffs. Neither team has a shot at the playoffs. Looking at their teams it's almost impossible to understand how they are both ranked so low, but they are. Both teams came into this season looking poised for big runs and both have since fizzled. Jay is on a three game losing streak. Travis is on a four game losing streak. On the brightside at least one team finishes the regular season on a high note...sorta. Yahoo! has Travis losing by 20 points. I don't think it will be that many points, but I think the winner is correct.

MY PICK: Jay by 14 pts.

tom brady's bitch (6-6) vs. Go Me (2-10)
-Um...I guess I really don’t know what to say. It would seem that Justin has the edge. His team is pretty solid on paper. Of his six losses, four of those came to teams that have clinched playoff berths. Grant has been on a downward spiral since week one. His win over me two weeks ago was good for team morale and little else. I think this game will be close due in large part to the stellar defensive teams Justin is dealing with this week, but I think Yahoo! has picked the right winner, but not by the 15 points they predict.

MY PICK: Justin by 9 pts.


All-in-all I think it should be a good week. Justin has the easiest match-up of the Kunkel boys and is ranked second in total points among Kunkels, thus giving him a huge advantage even if he loses. At least one Kunkel is guaranteed a loss this week in the Steven/Mike game and that may or may not be the deciding factor for who does and doesn’t make the playoffs. However, Johnny and Justin both need to come up big in their games to do their part as well. Johnny needs to come up huge with a big-time win and more importantly with a HUGE point output if he wants any chance of winning his second league championship in the past three years.

My pick for player of the week: Drew Brees against the weak Oakland Raiders defense.
--Brees is coming off an atrocious week, which came on the heels of his best week of the season. I think he is going to be looking to bounce back in a big way and especially against a division rival and an interstate rival in Oakland. I expect Brees to come on strong and I think Antonio Gates will benefit largely from Brees’ big week and don’t count LT out for an OK day as well.

STAT LINE: 317yards 4touchdowns 1interception 17yards rushing


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Catching Up...

It has been quite a while since my last post, although as anyone can see from the comment thread it was still quite an active little blog. As such I've decided to start monitoring posts prior to them making it to the board. Sorry, but I run a classy blog kids...

Thanksgiving Rundown
Thanksgiving was a good time. It was nice to have some time off from school work and work work. Not much to report as far as activities, just the usual: lots of video games with Eric, lots of food, lots of staying up until 3:30am, lots of hanging out with my family and a new addition this year...lots of beer. Johnny and I went out Wednesday night after he rolled into town and we hit up the wild and crazy Hartley bar scene. Apparently no one in Hartley knows what a credit or debit card is so I had to pay for Johnny and myself with the little bit of cash I had on me. I ended up buying our last round with pocket change. We saw a lot of people from our class, especially our homeboy and yours Jon Hengeveld. It was a good ole time, not one I plan on repeating anytime soon, but fun nonetheless. Just ask Steven and Justin how fun it was. *wink*

Movie of the Week
Eric and I went to the new movie Just Friends with Ryan "Van Wilder" Reynolds and it was awesome. Reynolds is hilarious, dare I say the next Jim Carey? He has the physical comedy down and can pull through with the serious stuff when he needs to. Amy Smart was gorgeous as always and played her role perfectly. Anna Faris was awesome as Samantha Jaymes, a Britney Spears-like pop diva. I thought she was funny in the Scary Movie series but man, she is hilarious and a darn-pretty lady as well. I'm going to say this movie is definitely worth watching.

Well the weather has been rather nice to me thus far, but it seems that things are changing right now. I was going to go outside and take a picture of the ensuing snow fall...but it's like one in the morning and I just don't care all that much. But yeah...we've gotten off lucky with just rain thus far but tonight the snow and winds have moved in. Johnny told me that they have had snow in Marshall since early this morning, so this system is clearly creeping along and probably going to stick around for awhile.

Grace is still stuck at home in South Dakota. She was going to leave Sunday by icy rain and winds hit before she could get out and by the end of the night Grace and her family, like much of eastern South Dakota, were left without power as snow continued to pile up and the winds continued to blow. Apparently power lines are snapping left and right because of the ice and it's just an all-around bad deal. Luckily Ms. Mlady and her family have a generator and propane heaters. But if you could keep them in your prayers until this bad boy is done trying to mess with the Corn Palace.

Random Stuff
Pretty pumped, it's my birthday this coming Monday. That's right the big "22" I know it is basically worthless. I hit number two on the list of the five birthdays that are worth a shit last year and now I'm inching along to number one. For anyone who isn't sure what the five major birthdays are here you go:

5)14 - Learner's Permit
4)16 - Driver's License
3)18 - Smoke/Porn/Gamble (Some Places)
2)21 - Booze/Gamble
1)62 - Retirement

Well I suppose just another 40 years and I'm on my way to a beach somewhere or an old folks home. Either way at least I can get free drinks. Only difference is one place is going to have Metamucil in the drinks and the other is going to have Tequila.

Fantasy Football
My fantasy football team did not disappoint once again. We had a huge win over Mr. Justin Kunkel this week. My team is now 11-1 going into the final week of our regular season. I do have a huge matchup with G-Doggy this week, so it should be tight, however, I have a feeling I'll be able to pull off the victory and keep my streak rolling right into the playoffs and my guaranteed first round bye.

PS: I love LT!

Major League Baseball
Okay here's my thoughts on the offseason thus far. HOLY CRAP!! The Red Sox traded away one of the top 5 prospects in all of baseball for Josh Beckett, Mike Lowell and Guillermo Mota from the Florida Marlins. When I heard this deal was going down I puked a little. It was obvious that the Marlins were going to start slashing payroll this season, but DAMN! On the bright side they did received Hanley Ramirez and some pitching prospects in return. Ramirez will replace the departing Alex Gonzalez at SS.

The Marlins second major move is one that was a given when the Marlins failed to make the postseason and failed to obtain funding for a new stadium. Carlos Delgado was traded. Ironically, enough he was traded to the team that offered him a better deal last offseason, the New York Mets. Now the Mets finally have some real pop in their lineup and won't need to rely on David Wright and Cliff Floyd to be the only mashers on the team. In return for Delgado the Marlins received Mike Jacobs and prospects. Personally, I don't think the Marlins are coming out of this fire-sale too badly hurt. They have received a number of valuable prospects and some guys who are ready to start and play competitive baseball in south Florida.

The Mets have made one move that, in my mind, was a big foolish and that was trading away Mike Cameron. Cameron is a bonafide Gold-Glover and a solid production hitter. He is still in the prime of his career, but was unhappy after being moved to right-field following last year's acquisition of Carlos Beltran. The Mets traded Cameron to my National League darlings the San Diego Padres in exchange for utility man Xavier Nady. I'm not sure exactly what role Nady will serve in New York, but all-in-all I suppose the deal worked out well for both teams as Victor Diaz can now become a permanent starter in the Mets' outfield.

The Phillies traded Jim Thome to the White Sox for center fielder Aaron Rowand. This deal is nuts. The Phillies are going to have one hell of an outfield with Abreu, Burrell and now Rowand. WOW! I'm still not sure why the Sox wanted Thome. Either they assume Konerko is as good as gone on the free agent market or they plan to let Frank Thomas walk so Thome can DH full-time after they resign Konerko, either way it should be fun to see how that situation plays out.

Also today: the Mets made another huge move when they signed free agent closer Billy Wagner, the Blue Jays signed free agent closer BJ Ryan and the Oakland A's signed free agent starter Esteban Loaiza. All of these moves upgrade the teams that made them, but I do believe the Blue Jays overspent on an untested Ryan. The Mets overspent on Wagner, but had to do so or risk losing him back to division rival, Philadelphia.

As of now the Twins have still done...NOT A F'N THING!!

I was really happy with the reactions I got to my fiction piece in class tonight. My workshop group seemed to really like this story and Terry even mentioned turning it into a novel. He told me I should meet up with him so we can discuss it. I'm really pumped about this and I hope that I can do something with it. I would love to pull a Steven King and start busting out novels at a young age. I suppose, I'll have to put in some real effort and make it a top priority, but I'm feeling very driven toward this writing thing lately and I think it may just be my calling. Just like baseball, professional wrestling, acting and teaching were also my callings?! Hmmmmmmmmm....maybe I'll just play it by ear for now.


Song of the Blog - "Beverly Hills" -Weezer
Book of the Blog - "On Writing" -Stephen King
Film of the Blog - "Just Friends"


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Let The Good Times Roll...

Well folks, as is seemingly a requirement in the world of Blogging I must inform you of my weekend of travel, beverage and all-around good-timeage!

-On Thursday I took off from Mankato around 5ish after I was done at the weekly Reporter meeting. By the way I have a movie review of Derailed, an article on these Hip-Hop Classes downtown and my big-ass energy drink extravaganza on the way...just to keep you all updated on my journalistic endeavors. Anywho, I'm leaving town and what do I see? Gas has jumped from $2.09 to $2.16...good thing I filled up the day before.

-During my drive I was rocking out to Stephen King's Shawshank Redemption on audiocassette. Gotta love a good book on tape. The two hour trip seemed to fly by, oh Stephen King you do know how to mystify me. When I got to Marshall, Johnny and I bolted pretty much immediately, it's a lengthy trip mind you. We drove for about 45 minutes and snagged some Micky-D's in Pipestone. The freakin' McRib is back man! We couldn't pass that up! Oh delectable pork and beef compound covered in goo and placed on a bun...MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!

-We then continued trucking along until we entered our second state of the night, South Dakota. We promptly mocked and riddiculed the total lack of sky scrapperage in Sioux Falls and carried on rambling about who knows what. We did get the quote of the weekend from this portion of the journey. Johnny was driving along and narrowly missed a deer. The thing is…the deer was on the side of the road. DEAD on the side of the road. Who f’n knew? “I almost hit that dead deer…on the side of the road!” Well I continued mocking and ridiculing Johnny until we hit our third state of the night...IOWA!! We promptly zipped through Sewer City and continued what is arguably the longest stretch of the trip, both in time and mental strain, Sioux City to Omaha. We passed the infamous WinnaVegas Casino, but didn't stop. We figured we could find better ways to piss away $40. We didn't stop until Missouri Valley, about 1/2 hour, 45 minutes north of Omaha and got gas. Mr. Kunkel refused to let me pay for gas so I responded by purchasing a butt-load of beverages and chips. We each tried some energy real effect, not this time anyway (more later).

-We finally made our way into Omaha and our fourth state, Nebraska! Then it was straight-up sailing until we hit Missouri, state five. We saw enough animal blood and exploded body parts to freak out anyone...but you combine me and Johnny, rolling through the back hills of Missouri at 12:30 in the morning and animal blood everywhere...OH MAN! We are like two scared little girls, crying and praying to God we don't break down and end up getting sodomized by some crazy ass backwoods farmer wtih a big cross on the wall and bodies in the know the type!

-As we neared Maryville and the infamous Northwest Missouri State University (GO BEARCATS!) Johnny and I stumbled upon the world's tiniest Hy-Vee ever. This thing was the same size as a gas station, but it was a Hy-Vee...we took photos, you'll all see them someday. The next town we blazed through Johnny stopped to pee. Still fearing sodomy...I waited in the bladder pounding. In the next town we found Yogi the Bear sitting in someone's lawn. We stopped whipped the car around and took some 1am pictures with Yogi. Suddenly lights flipped on in a back-room and we bolted.

-As 1:30 in the AM rolled around we made our way into Maryville. We were looking to stop at a bar and get a beer or perhaps a Jag-Bomb for our efforts, but alas the bars were long since shut down in this quaint college-town. However, the police were out and about busting parties, something they are apt to do in Maryville (more later). We finally made our way to campus and Steven's dorm...after we finally got a hold of him and found it. The phrase "I live in Dietreich" doesn't mean a whole lot when you don't know what or where the hell Dietreich is. Eventually we found it and found young Steven...oh young Steven, so pure, so innocent!

-We made the 18 1/2 mile walk in from the parking lot where it was roughly a million below zero. Mild embelishment, yes. But I had to pee like nobody's business. We got inside, I peed. Oh sweet, sweet relief. Then we just hung out and had some beers. After beer four...and I mean IMMEDIATELY after beer four I turned to John-Boy and he was unconsious. Crazy freak. Steven and I stayed up until roughly 5:30 just talking about school, life, baseball, chicks, llamas, rabies shots, and all of the other important things guys talk about at 5:30 in the morning, following four beers and eight and a half hours in a car. Then we slumbered. But not before I had to move Johnny like 14 times...that brotha snores like he's choking to death on a freakin' boat motor or something.

- Steven went to class. No one knows why or how, but he went to class. Johnny and I wanted to go…inititally. But when the “wake-up” call came at us, not so much. Sleep or at least trying to sleep was WAY better. Then some frat-dude came over and bragged to me and Johnny…which pissed us off. So basically we ripped on frats and how lame it is to not let your friends in to the parties. See here’s how it works in Maryville. The dudes in the frats are so lame that they didn’t get laid in high school and they sure as hell aren’t getting laid in college. So what do they do? That’s right…they join a frat and have parties where the only dudes allowed in are guys in the frat. All the chicks who show up can get in, but damn man…they can’t go lettin’ other guys in…otherwise they might not get to touch a boobie. F’n losers. Friends in the frats blow-off their non-frat (read: cool) friends when they show up. How F’n Lame!

-Just a note…this dude sitting across from me here in the computer lab…huge douche bag. I had class with this guy and he was a huge pain in the ass, just thought I’d throw that out there.

-Anyway, Friday Steven gave us a tour of campus. It wasn’t exactly Sarah Swedburgian, but an okay tour nonetheless. We also just hung out in the dorms meeting his friends. Some of whom were cool, some of whom were kinda lame and some of whom are the envy of everyone else because they have a girlfriend. Everyone shall remain nameless. *WINK*

-Then we snagged some Sonic, ironically enough Johnny didn’t strangle me. (note: we have some deep-seeded Sonic issues.) The food was okay, the fries were awful. Oh how I long for their tots! Tots. Tots. Tots. I love tots! Then we went bumming around town and hit all six of the stores. Just kidding, it was a good time. Johnny and I made fun of Steven, he took it. Great times. It’s what we do! Johnny and I bought some new shoes. Steven bought a new shirt, what I’m referring to as his… “chicks dig me” shirt. It’s gonna rock my man…it’s gonna rock. We played some video games the rest of the afternoon and just hung out until we decided to go get some ginger-ale as Johnny was going to introduce us all to the world of the “High Ball.” We snagged some Gingy as I’ll call it and then decided we should let Steven enjoy the deliciousness that is a Jag-Bomb. So we looked but Jag was only available in a much larger quantity than I can even fathom possessing. (note: I have some deep-seeded Jagermeister issues.) After hopping from one store to another we found some and bought some Red Bull and went back to the dorms, but not before purchasing a couple of Monster Energy drinks.

-In the dorms we played some video games and sucked down the energy drinks. Johnny and I both went into a sugar-coma kinda thing and felt sick to our stomachs. When we went Pagliai’s (pronounced: Polly-Eyes) Johnny did things in the bathroom that violated the Geneva Convention my friends…you don’t even know. The pizza was great. The ice water (apparently cancer-causing) was also delicious. Nothing like pre-hydration. MMMMMMMM!! After that it was time…

-We played some drinking games including “Make Passionate Love to the Dealer,” I believe the actual name is a little less classy, so I made it all nice and pleasant for you folks. Anyway, Johnny mixed some High Balls and Steven, Johnny, Ryan (one of Steven’s homies) and I enjoyed every last drop of them. By the time we left the dorms to go the “party”…Johnny and Steven had their buzz-on and I was pretty close.

-Now this “party” I mentioned has quotes around it for one reason…it was ubber-lame. Sure it was a sorority house full of like 80 half-naked chicks right…and we were the only dudes there…I know it sounds like the setting to some crazy porno right…but it’s not. Anyway we were there for like 20 minutes at what is referred to (and printed on the wall as…) “THE PENTHOUSE.” Apparently, much like the frat thing…the sorority parties are lame too. You are supposed to “know” someone who is willing to “have your back” when you’re questioned about whether or not you “belong” at the party. How f’n lame. Well since we were never officially invited we had an issue. The thing is Johnny and I were so sick of just driving around looking for parties that when we stopped we just walked in and started drinking beer. After maybe, AT MOST, 20 minutes…we were so unimpressed we left.

-Steven, Johnny and I wondered around the streets of Maryville drinking our beers. We landed in the city park and polished off our case while having more good guy-talk and getting prank-called by the youngest of the Kunkel brothers…Drunken Justin. On our walk back we found a basketball and I made the greatest pass ever and Johnny made an incredible over the shoulder, one-handed grab. A play we couldn’t duplicate later that night…or sober the next day. We stopped at a bar…ran inside while Steven waited outside…funny stuff really. Johnny and I had a couple Jag Bombs each and then away we went. Steven was waiting outside, patiently of course, looking as those his alcoholic parents had left him outside and forgotten about him. PS: THE WEATHER WAS INCREDIBLE DOWN THERE. IT WAS AWESOME BEING OUTSIDE IN A FREAKIN T-SHIRT AT MIDNIGHT.

-Then Ryan and Andy showed up, apparently “The Penthouse” had been busted within under and hour and we all wondered drunkenly and loudly back to the dorms. At one point we played some more basketball football stuff, good times. Then out of nowhere Steven tackled me. He’s violent and needs therapy. When we entered the dorms we’d agreed to let the least drunk of us three, Steven, do all the talking. 15 seconds later, Johnny and I were recreating the incredible one-handed catch and pass to the RA’s. Man we’re stupid! Then we wandered the halls, writing on walls…most of it incoherent (read: Johnny is a drunk-ass). Steven got written up for being on the girl’s floor after 1am…it was like 1:02 or something, what a flippin’ crock. We also found out that rapists, serial killers and just plain guys from Montana can come into the dorms whenever they want through the unlocked janitors door in the basement that leads to every girls floor and they write STEVEN up? Yeah, b/c he’s a late-night prowler they need to worry about.

-We got back to the room after Johnny and I found ample cause to sprint back…a story which has been explained…and can only be told in person. We settled down for the night and within seconds of turning on the tv, flipping through the channels to find the show “Yes Dear” (note: Johnny doesn’t even like that show)…Johnny then moved the remote up to his chest and in the 1/9th of a second it takes to set the remote on his chest…he was out and snoring. Freakin’ crazy. I was up late after those Kunkel boys passed out. They both snore…a lot.

-Saturday I was up at 7:30 and dealt with the usual slow-rising Kunkels. We played some videogames (it’s what guys do) and basically bummed around until lunch that day when we ate at Quizno’s ===== MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! So f’n good. We then went to St. Joseph (about 30 minutes away and about 20 times as big) and hit the mall, I bought a cool coat thingy. Steven bought, via my suggestion-“On Writing” by Stephen King, he’ll be happy he did.

-After the mall we drove around looking for an Olive Garden, we couldn’t find one. We did find a random little puppy wandering around in heavy traffic, luckily…we didn’t hit him. Despite Johnny’s best efforts to will the car toward him from the backseat. We settled for a restaurant known as Fazoli’s think good Italian food, but with a Taco Bell kind of set-up. It was freakin’ delicious! The movie “SAW II” was our next big adventure of the evening. It was pretty good, twisted, but good. Well thought out and a solid plot.

-Following the movie we made our way back to Maryville and the dorms for those Jag Bombs. We popped in the movie, “THE NEW GUY” which is way better than I gave it credit for previously and we had our Jag Bombs. Unfortunately, Red Bull and Jag only go so far when split three ways. Steven said he got pretty hardcore buzzin’, one more would have done him in. Johnny said he was feeling it and I think I was too. Unfortunately, we were out of booze and no one had the desire to go get anyway. We sat around and talked, watched “Sleepless in Seattle” (for the second time) and played the movie game until everyone passed out.


-We got up and left.

-We drove a long f’n way.

-We got to Marshall and I thought I forgot me keys.

-I found them. I drove to Mankato.

-The End.


All-in-all it was a great weekend. We all had a blast and I hope we can do it again next semester, if it wasn’t nearly 9 hours of driving for me, I’d be a little more apt to go again, but what can you do, right?! My apologies for rushing the end of the story, but I’ve been typing for more than an hour and I’m hungry as I have to go to work real quick like.

I hope to get some pictures of the weekend up soon. GOOD TIMES.

PS: Gas down south…they’re practically giving it away. $1.96/gallon!! Who knew?!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Week 10 Fantasy Football Run Down

For anyone wondering why this isn't like a "NORMAL" Blog's b/c the message board in my fantasy football league isn't working correctly right now and I'm leaving town tomorrow right after school/work/other work so I need to get this bad boy up now...thank you for understanding and remember...The Yankees Suck!



Well folks Week 9 was an uninspiring week for most of the league. The average score last week was only 68 points. WOW! If you take my 99 and Mike’s 101 out of that equation it dips to a meager 48 points. Holy crap, who would have thought it’d be such a low-scoring week? Well I have a feeling this week will be much better. But first let’s get right into the crazy events that happened this past week.

Terrell Owens is suspended and deactivated for the remainder of the season, OUCH! Talk about a big hit to Steven. The kid is hanging onto third place and has some rough games coming up with the second trip through the schedule, some T.O. in the lineup definitely would have helped the team. However, Steven will benefit as a result of the next big news of the week…

Priest Holmes is done for the year. Which is a huge kick in the balls to Grant who actually received Holmes in a trade from Travis earlier in the season. This benefits Steven-however-as a result of his shrewd addition of Larry Johnson a few weeks back. Johnson, always a great power back, is now the big man in KC and will get the chance to shine on a full-time basis. If he can repeat performances like last week, Steven is going to be very happy he added him and I can keep bitching about how I dropped him earlier in the year b/c of a Bye Week.

Crazy in one week’s time we lose the number 5 and 6 overall picks from the draft. Sorry to the teams that wasted high picks. Speaking of lost players…the body count keeps rising on superstars who have been shelved for the season: Javon Walker, Deuce McAllister, Ahman Green, Chad Pennington, Daunte Cullpepper, Priest Holmes and now Terrell Owens…Freakin’ Crazy!

Well let’s get into dishing out some awards. First and foremost, I’m giving out last week’s MVP to none other than my boy the future AFC MVP…L.T.!! He pounded the piss out of the Jets last week proving he was back on track and dominant as ever. Four touchdowns, three on the ground…that’s solid shizzle my friends!

My pick for this week’s MVP…I’m going to say Tom Brady. He is going up against a lackluster Miami pass defense and without a doubt the team is going to be fired up following the trouncing they received from the Colts last week.
My predictions: 275 yards 3 TDs 0 INT

Onto the playoff picture…the playoffs are rapidly approaching here in our league with just four weeks remaining in the regular season and only six playoff spots up for grabs, it is a dog-fight from here on out. Only one team (Favreinos II) have clinched a playoff spot and most of the league is neck-and-neck coming into the home stretch.

Currently Jay, Justin and Mike sit clustered at 4-5, the current 6th seed, only points separate the teams at this point and currently it’s less than 50 points. Needless to say wins are going to be a HUGE for these three teams in the final four weeks. Of those teams Jay doesn’t face either of the two and probably has the hardest schedule down the stretch playing 3 of the top 4 teams in the league right now. In contrast, Justin only plays one team with a winning record (Favreinos) and gets to play Grant and Travis along with a huge match-up against Mike.

The teams sitting above those guys at 5-4 include: Steven, Burns and Johnny. Thus far Johnny is the second hottest team in the league right now. He is riding a 4-game winning streak despite being bombarded with injuries, but if he doesn’t do something to alter his mutilated lineup fast…his team could easily fall out of contention, given the 1-4 start, it’s not too hard to picture it happening. This week’s huge Burns/Steven match-up will have huge implications. It’s hard to judge who has the roughest schedule down the stretch, but either way all three of these teams are still VERY vulnerable coming into the final four weeks.

The top of the league currently consists of G-Doggy at 6-3, who statistically should be roughly one win away from clinching a spot in the playoffs, but won’t have it easy coming down the stretch. He faces Jay this week then gets Travis and Mike in the middle before a huge final game showdown with me. Should be interesting. We’ll see if his team can hold on down the stretch.

Then there is me. I’m in the playoffs. I rock. End of Story.

Yourmom's a screamer (5-4) vs. taradactyl's friend (5-4)
-Burns has dropped two very rough games in a row to G-Doggy and then to me. He is definitely looking to change his luck this week and may just be able to pull it off given the deactivation of T.O. He will, however, have to deal with Larry Johnson as the official number 1 HB on the depth chart. Steven is also coming off a big win over G-Doggy, something that hasn’t happened a lot this year. Should be a great game. Yahoo! currently has a 6pt spread on the game with Burns taking it 71 to 65, but I think that Tom Brady is going to be the difference maker this week and will bring Steven a HUGE win and put Burns in a must win situation in Week 11.

MY PICK: Steven by 8pts.


Team Kunkel (4-5) vs. Le Mars Lipsinks (5-4)
-Johnny is on an incredible run right now, despite the injury bug not just biting but violently slaughtering many of the key contributors to his team. Antonio Gates and Carson Palmer have been key factors in Johnny’s success which is why I think he will falter this week when both men are off for BYE week. The BYE week will also affect Mike as well. TJ Houslkdjaflkdsjfs is out and Brooks is out leaving Mike quarterbackless this week, unless he makes a free agent pick up. Yahoo! has Mike winning 48-39 with both teams missing two players and I’m going to have to agree to some extent with Yahoo. I think Shaun Alexander is the difference maker this time.

MY PICK: Mike by 14pts.


InSaNe AuDiO (6-3) vs. j’s team (4-5)
-Needless to say this week is going to be huge for both teams. G-Doggy needs one more win to cement his spot in the playoffs and Jay needs to win if he wants to stay in the playoff picture. I think this game, next to the Steven/Burns match-up maybe the most enticing of the weekend. G-Doggy although solidly in second place has shown signs of weakness at points in the season. Jay, well Jay is just Jay. This isn’t college football what does he care, right?! Jay has lost 3 of the last 4 and G-Doggy is playing .500 ball over the last 4 games. Both teams need guys to step up this week in order to win. G-Doggy has been carried by Tiki Barber and Jay by Steve Smith, this week the other guys need to step up or one of these two could take a very big, loss. Yahoo! has G-Doggy 71 and Jay 65…I think I’m going to say that sounds just about right.

MY PICK: G-Doggy by 4pts (CLOSE GAME)


tom brady's bitch (4-5) vs. Captain Jack Sparrow (2-7)
-No one can say Travis hasn’t been trying in this league. He’s made like 40,000 roster moves in an attempt to better his team, that’s a noble move. Not effective, but noble nonetheless. Justin has been slip-slidin’ away the last few weeks losing 3 of his last 4 games. Travis has been consistently bad, but his first win of the year in week one was an 82 to 38 annihilation of Justin. His other win was over Grant…doesn’t even count! Travis is as good as eliminated from the playoffs…6-7 probably won’t make the cut if he wins the rest of the way out, but 8-5, that would. So Justin is in a must win situation and Travis is out to play the role of spoiler, should be fun to watch. Yahoo! has Justin up 66 to 52, but Travis currently has no defense playing, so with a defense it’s roughly an even match-up. I think both teams are very similar with solid QBs, a good set of RBs and not much else…I think Yahoo! picked the winner right this time through.

MY PICK: Justin by 8 pts.

Favreinos II (9-0) vs. Go Me (1-8)
-In week one I pummeled Grant by 20 pts. He has won just one game since then and I have one eight more. Personally, I have been uninspired by my team’s play as of late (thus the lack of press conferences)…LT saved my ass last week (I’m not even gonna lie about it!) and I am without him this week. Having a guy who can randomly rip off 30 pts makes a big difference. I think my team will fare well, but I do think that if I were to get upset this would be the week, my guard is down and much of my team is banged up (Thomas Jones, Tory Holt, LJ Smith, etc…) I know Grant just lost Holmes, so will be digging to find a RB, but I’m going to predict lots of my guys turn out to be game-time scratches, leaving me no chance to pick up replacements and I’ll lose as a result. Yahoo! has me up 60 to 52 and I’m going to say flip it and you’re pretty close to the final score this week.

MY PICK: Grant by 11pts.



Steven over Burns by 8pts
Mike over Johnny by 14pts
G-Doggy over Jay by 4pts
Justin over Travis by 8pts
Grant over Jeremiah by 11pts


Wait, It's F'n November Already?!

So I was at work today, as I am every day and when I went to stamp a due date on someone's book and I read the date November 29th (books circulate for 3 weeks...duh!), I thought to myself...Holy Crap! It's November already and not just November, but we are coming up on the half-way point already! Where has my youth gone?!

Well it might not have been that was probably more like this...November, man that sucks donkey balls.

Either way I felt compelled to think about the things I'd like to do before the end of my final year (assuming I don't f*ck things up) at MSU. I've had quite the time here, that I can honestly say. I've met some super-cool people. I've met some hardcore douche-bags and I've met a lot of people who fall somewhere in the middle. I've made some sweet-ass friends and I've lost some friends who turned out to be kinda sour-ass. (Get it, it's a play on sweet-ass!)

However, I really have enjoyed my time here. I realize that I haven't partied nearly as much as most...because I'm a huge nerd who decided to worry about my education while I was here. I know, people can call me a loser or whatever, but I figure if I'm going to leave with $20,000 or so worth of debt, I might as well have something to show for it. Granted a Mass Comm degree with minors in English: Creative Writing and Speech Communication may not be the best way to profit from it, but whatever. I love my major...despite not watching the news, reading the news and basically bashing the media on a daily basis. Either way, I still love the major lots of cool people (read: The Mass Commies) and great teachers. Marshall and two have rocked my world.

In terms of the whole writing thing, I kinda like the whole fiction thing I'm rocking right now on Monday nights with Terry Davis. He is a great teacher who everyone should take a class with. The Quicksters know what I'm talking about. They've both enjoyed (as far as I can tell) the class as well. Good times.

Wait...where I was I going with this whole thing again?! Oh yeah...stuff I want to do before I graduate. Why did I get on one of those thanking everyone things like I was already on my way out...WEIRD!!

Anywho...things I want to do before I leave:
1) Run through the fountain on campus
2) Eat at that Happy Chef on 169...I've never seen a soul in there, so I wanna try it!
3) Have the Mass Commie drinking night Ryan is always talking about.
4) Go to TwinsFest and punch Michael Cuddyer in the face. Gonna be a good fantasy thirdbaseman my ass!!
5) Get drunk on liquid cocaine with Mike again.
6) Eat at Pagliai's Pizza. I wrote a freakin' article about it, I might as well eat there.
7) Spread the word about Mazatlan just a little more than I already have.
8) Go through the dorms with the ghost-hunter dudes to see if they're haunted...not gonna happen, b/c the ghost-hunter dudes...probably never coming back to campus.
9) Write for the Reporter without it feeling like an obligation.
10) A Huge-Ass Game of Flag-Football...HUGE-ASS!!
11) Get published in the Blue Earth Review, I already kicked SLAM's ass!
12) Watch someone with Minnesota plates use their turning signal. (wishful thinking)
13) Catch another concert: O.A.R. would rock my socks off again.
14) Do another stand-up night? Maybe without the F*BOMB and the subsequent disqualification that follows it.
15) Punch some people in the know who you are!

Yeah...that's a pretty good list for now. I'm feeling okay about that shizzy. Well my Bredrock40X Printer just finished hacking and weezing, which must mean my 23 page epic on Robert R. McCormick is now done printing...only took three days. Thus I am off to shave, shower and prepare for my presentation.

I leave you with these clothing thoughts from Sandra Bullock in some chick-flick I'm pretty sure I watched with Johnny...b/c that's how we roll.

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are sad, but it's what you do in the middle that counts."

...yeah Johnny...we're totally butt-buddies! :-(

Oh yeah, final thought: Johnny and Steven, get prepared for the weekend of your lives. By that I mean we can all sit around, sip apple juice, watch Brady Bunch Re-Runs (Oh that Cindy!) and of course...the penultimate..."PUDDING SOCIAL!!"




QUOTE(S) OF THE BLOG: "I'm a Sad Panda..." and "...amazing" - Steven Kunkel, both were repeated a MILLION times in the personal question-mer-bobber thing he sent out!

Monday, November 07, 2005

F'n Robert McCormick...

Hallelujah!! Praise Jebus!! I'm finally done with my research paper/biography. I've been working on this monstrosity since the Thursday before Halloween. I spent Halloween weekend glued to my computer and three dusty library books because of this paper. I've spent just about every waking minute working on this thing for the past week and now it is finally finished. 16 pages of cited work about the life and times of Robert Rutherford McCormick. For those of you who don't know he was a big-shot editor of the Chicago Tribune back in the day and basically was THE GUY in the newspaper industry for about thirty years. He revolutionized the newspaper industry and drove guys like William Hearst out of Chi-Town. Talk about impressive. Steven Kunkel, this should be of particular note to you considering the numerous innovations he made in regard to the Tribune, which if I recall correctly is your future workplace. Read up on him, you might find him a bit interesting.

On a lighter note, this past weekend Ms. Grace Mlady and I celebrated our third anniversary. Can you folks believe we've been together for three years and that chica hasn't dumped me yet?! Crazy huh. We spent Friday night just hanging out (sadly we are so busy that's a rarity) and went to the mall and stuff. Then we watched one of my favorite movies of all-time The Shawshank Redemption. Believe it or not...and most people do not...Grace had never seen the movie. I know, how crazy is that. For anyone who might be reading this who hasn't seen it, download it, steal what you gotta do, just watch it. Saturday we went and got massages. We were both supposed to get all rubbed-down by chicks...but apparently something in the paper work got screwed up so she gets this tall, dark and handsome dude named Ramon. How freakin' convienent?! Anyway then we bummed around the rest of the afternoon before going out for a lovely dinner and then some bar hopping. Good times were had by all.

I realized a few things this afternoon while I was taking a momentary break from my paper...

1) I really want to play some freakin' flag football right now.

2) I'm really kinda homesick and miss my family.

3) I miss the boys. I've seen Johnny a total of TWO times since July. I've seen Travis THREE total times since New Year's Eve!! I've seen Jay TWO times, once was for like 5 minutes and I really just saw his penis, since New Year's. Luckily, Craiggers and Mike are both here. Mike is usually downstairs playing my videogame. Craiggers I'm lucky if I see once-a-week. Bastard keeps blowing me off for work. Then there are is Steven who I partially wish was here, b/c it'd be a total blast to have him up here, but I really like that he chose to go to Misery...whoops...Missouri. And then we've got poor Justin. Poor 11-year-old Justin. Still stuck in Hartley. Poor bastard.

4) The Twins really need to make a big move this offseason. There is talking of making a trade for Jim "I can't stay healthy or hit home runs anymore" Thome from the Phillies...UGH!!

5) I really want pancakes.

I suppose...that was pretty much the end of my blog for today. I could bitch about how I only had class on Monday last week because my teacher is out dying with the whooping cough, apparently it's not just a medevial disease...who knew?! This coming weekend (read: Thurs-Sun) Johnny and I are road-trippin' (notice the apostrophe and lack of "g" on the word trippin'...that makes me cool) and we are going to see Steven down at Northwest, so it should be one helluva time. He is going to be bootleggin' (again with the cool ending) us some alchy...which should be interesting since he's like 8 years old and lives in a booze free dorm. Hopefully he has a full list of things for us to do, because if not...then we are just forced to go to the kissing bridge and if you don't know the story of the Northwest Missouri State Univesrity kissing bridge, well damn folks...I don't have the time or the NC-17 Rating to tell you about it.

...end transmission...

MUST DOWNLOAD SONG OF THE BLOG: "Change" by Tracy Chapman

QUOTE OF THE BLOG: "Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'" -Tim Robbins, Shawshank Redemption


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

My Blog...Totally Not Dead!!

Well, I was hoping to have some sort of deep and introspective stuff in my blog, but unfortunately Mike Kunkel took me out for buffalo wings which in-turn resulted in the partaking of a few alcoholic beverages. As fate...and my unconsious desire to keep up with anyone else drinking...would have it...I am now just a weeeeeeeeeeeee-bit on the tipsy (read: drunky-poo) side of things and unable to post a smart, well thought-out and dare I altering blog.

Intead I am forced to leave you with this...

...silly robot!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


What a long freakin' day!! Today was the infamous Mass Comm Pre-Registration day. Oh how I loathe these things. For anyone who doesn't know how it works, we basically split ALL of the Mass Comm majors into two separate groups. Those who have 80 credits or below and those who have 80 credits and above.

One a Monday morning those with 80+ credits show up, precisely at the ass-crack of dawn...7am! We then line up, single-file mind you, by the total credits we have earned thus far. Then we are allowed to walk along a table and put our names on the class roster of the classes we want to take the next semester. Then you're done. That's right, the actual process...takes like 38 seconds...43 if you stop to sneeze or scratch yourself inappropriately.

Those with 80 or less credits...well these people are basically just Mass Comm wannabes...we've all been there. They show up on Wednesday morning when there are a total of like 4 spots left for any Mass Comm classes the next semester and they go through the same process. However, the poor bastards who get no classes...they get to sign up on the WAITING LIST for classes that are full and if someone drops...and you're next on the waiting're in. Granted if you're the 8th name on a waiting list...hell if you're the 2nd name on a waiting should usually look at taking up another do you think I ended up with Creative Writing and Speech Comm?

Well that you know the drill, here's how my day started. I pulled my ass out of bed at 5:45am...yeah, that time actually exists. I ate some breakfast...started my car...bitched to the cats about how cold it was...brushed my teeth...threw on some presentable attire...and out the door I went at 6:30am. It takes about 1/2 an hour to drive to school...park...and walk in.

Then I sat in the hallway of the temporary Mass Comm office (read: basement of the PA building) and proceeded to mingle with some of my Mass Comm Michelle, Lindsey, short chick, kinda blonde chick, hairy guy and David. Oh good times were had by all.

Then I went to work until noon. Nothing to report about at work. Just a long boring day in the ERC. Then I had a test...took me five minutes. That's either a good five minutes or a really, REALLY bad five minutes. Let's hope for the former on this one! After that I finally got to hang out with Mlady...the lovely young woman in my bio picture...and that was fun. Then I went to night class where Lindsey, Harrison and Captain Charisma (that's me) enjoyed the mindless musings of some aspiring writers and then a good ole workshop session. After that the Quickster (horrible nickname...but I'm good at those!) and I met up with Tom to work on a story for the Reporter. Yeah...that's about it.

Then I came home, realized I forgot to pick-up Kleenexes, so I walked down to the gas station...lovely night for a walk. Snagged some Kleenexes, a powerball ticket and a chicken salad sammitch and walked home. Ate my sammitch. Fed the katts. Ate some brownies. Typed in my blog (read: girly play-by-play boring ass diary)...

The time is now 12:30ish in the I've been up for um...well awhile...I'm not exactly a math major. But I do know this...Terry Davis...likes my writing. He dropped the N-Word* in relation to a piece of my work tonight...and I was stoked. But anyway...enough of the tangent...I've been up for 143 hours and it's time for beddy-bye.

Night Folks...

...and apologize to both of you who read this!


*N-Word refers to "NOVEL"

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Random Pictures...

I'm bored and figured this was the best way to use a 10 minute study apologies!

The Flag of the Infamous MASS COMMIES Army. You will recognize a Mass Commie by their inability to get a job or make any money after college. They will however be willing to bitch about politics and FOX News...we're good like that!

This is the JEREMIAH GRAVES character that you may have seen in various background segments on South Park. This character is so wildly popular in Japan and Korea that they are contemplating a spin-off series called Far East Park...yeah, that was lame.

I only put this on here, because it makes me giggle like a school girl.

This is from my Facebook. I just found it to be quite amusing...and sadly true :-(
*I'm a Sad Panda!*

...well that was productive. Back to studying, thank you for allowing me to waste 30 valuable seconds of your life!!

Sunday, Sunday...

Ode to Sundays

Oh how I loathe thee Sunday.
You slip into my weekend
and pose as a fun day.

You bring homework and strife
two of the things no one
wants in their weekend or life.

I feel like I'm inside prision walls
thanks to the pain of senior year.
So Sunday...go suck Donkey Balls!!


Ah yes, I feel that little poem (said with pretentious British accent)sums up my feelings toward this evil, evil day. It drives me nuts how fast a weekend goes anymore. I remember when I was back in the good ole days of HMS Elementary and a weekend seemed to last six weeks. Now I can see my friends (if I had any) on the weekends. I can actually leave the house for things other than the last thing I want to do on one of my two...count 'em TWO previous days off a think about school.

Can I get an A'MEN from the congregation?

Thank you my brothers and sisters...thank you.

The thing is, we all do too much shit nowadays. The fact that everyone needs one or more jobs just to afford rent, booze, books, booze, gas, tuition, booze, heat and water, food, booze, and all of the other essentials that fit into our lives...well that fact just sorta sickens me. We are in our early 20's...the prime of life and we are stuck reading books about newspapers from the 1790's, stories we read in third grade and of course writing mind-numbing paper after mind-numbing paper. I think I just puked a little right there. my Q key is stuck, son of a bitch.

The mere thought of homework cost me the Q key...

*hangs head and sighs*

Well anywho...perhaps I'll get back on and rant/bitch/complain later...because that's what blogs are for...a chance for us to rant and rave and feel like other people care. Gotta love it. For now I've got a few papers to write, a test to study for and some articles to write for the paper.

Wait...check that...I think I'm just gonna go puke some more from thinking about it!

Peace and Love my Children...Peace and Love!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Bored on a Friday Night...

Well I hate to say it, but I've reached that point. The point where I'm so bored on a Friday night, yes I said a FRIDAY night, that I have succumbed to the evil pull of blogging.

I realize I've mocked, ridiculed and dare I say...verbally bitch-slapped all those who have come before me in this sick and twisted game we call blogging. But the fact of the matter is this, a one Seth Johnson sent me a link to his blog and I've been sliding down a slippery slope ever since.

I've found myself becoming that guy, oh you all know who I'm talking about. The guy who clicks wildly from one link to another, sustaining his life functions with a glucose-filled combination of ice cream sammitches and 2 for 1 energy drinks.

Simply put I must say I've even come as far as typing in the address for FACEBOOK this evening. I haven't pressed return yet...but I'm close. Maybe a little too close. In fact, this whole thing is making me a little edgy right now just thinking about it.

Time to calm down. Take a few breaths. Maybe tinkle...damn cocaine-filled energy drinks...and then plop my ass in bed and get some shut-eye. Assuming my feet quit twitching and my heart stops beating against my rib-cage.